When it’s time to take the car/keys or limit driving

Telling a parent that he or she needs to stop driving is a conversation that most adult children put off as long as possible.  They are not sure what to say or, most importantly, how to say it in a way that would not be insulting and yet have the desired effect of getting them to stop or seriously limit their driving. Let’s face it, driving is the single biggest component of Independence.

But the good news is, there a lot of options for transportation that did not exist even 10 years ago. Uber, Lyft, Go-go Grandparents and public transportation (in some areas) can take the sting out the conversation.

Are Older Drivers at Risk?

In fact, seniors as a group are relatively safe drivers.  The actual number of accidents involving older drivers decreases as age increases. Experts attribute this to self-imposed limitations that include driving fewer miles and avoiding problematic situations like driving at night, during rush hour and on high-speed roadways.

That’s the good news.  The bad news is that drivers over 75 have a higher risk of being involved in an accident for every mile they drive.  The rate of fatalities increases significantly by this age — in fact, it is on par with teenage drivers.

So, what can be done?  According to AARP, ongoing conversations with family members can help.  A survey of older adults found that more than half said they followed the suggestions of others, with women generally more compliant than men.  They may prefer to hear it from their spouse or from professionals like their doctor.   It’s always easier to blame any decision on the doctor.  A recommendation to stop driving that comes from the senior’s doctor usually carries more weight than when heard from the adult children.   

• If there is initial resistance, suggest that the older adult be tested for an assessment of their driving skills.  These tests are commonly administered by rehabilitation centers, hospitals and VAs.  If your parent agrees to this, you must be prepared for the outcome. If the assessment shows that they are capable of driving safely, you must accept the outcome; until circumstances change.

What if all these steps fail to get the desired response?  Experts say that if a high-risk driver refuses to stop driving, the family may have no choice but to sell, disable the car, file down the keys or put dead batteries in key fobs.